Hate everyone

Okay -- this is weird, but; I hate almost everyone. If there is some personality tick -- some character flaw -- some neurosis in an individual -- then I will be the first one to point it out/pick up on it. I wish that I could be like some other people that are always "positive" (gag), or "nice" (puke) - but I simply cannot. It pains me to be nice. I secretly love being evil/mean -- you know in the grinch who stole christmas? When his heart grew three sizes? Well... mine grew three sizes when I pick up on something that bothers me about a person.

Oh well -- going straight to hell I guess.

The Underminer

... by Mike Albo -- has anyone read this? God -- it is like he took exact conversations that occur ed between me and my toxic "best friend"/frenemy -- who I can't seem to cut off contact with. I mean, she is such a BITCH! Its like she is always overcompensating for something, and trying to "win" in some kind of a sick twisted competition with me -- but she needs to realize that its not even necessary.

I mean -- she is just a very empty/shallow/vindictive person sometimes -- but sometimes she can be really fun too. I really need to stop speaking with her... but it gets harder to make new close friends as you get older, you know?

omg...

weirdo at work did it again -- cryptically told us how much her awesome husband makes for a living. She, as stated before, did it in some kind of complicated math algorithm or something though.

She's like "my husband makes 4 times our monthly mortgage each month" -- knowing full well that she had told us many times before how much her mortgage is (am I the only one who thinks this is completely inappropriate work conversation -- and if I think its inappropriate, it must be bad) -- I mean, you just don't tell people how much you make/your husband makes at work - its rude.

I mean... its fine for you, I just wouldn't do it...

I mean... its fine for you, I just wouldn't do it...

Have you ever heard this phrase? It got me thinking -- that this is one of the most pompous, condescending, rude phrases someone could say to you. Like, for example, when an individual said once to me "I refuse to live in an apartment building, but that's fine if You want to do it" -- like, saying that that they wouldn't stoop down to the pathetic level of someone who would dare live in *gasp* an apartment building., rather than owning a home. Or when someone says "I would never to go that college, but that's fine if you want to do it, everyone has their own preference"

Like, they wouldn't be as pitiful, as needy, etc. to do something like that -- "but its fine for you"...

Blogger Paranoia

Okay -- so, I am new to blogging, and an a naturally nervous/paranoid person, so I am naturally paranoid about blogging. I find that I edit myself way too much because I am so afraid that some small detail will catch the wrong person's attention -- which is actually very egocentric of me, because in all honesty, I really don't think that anyone would care enough, or notice that it was "me" that was the "blogger", so to speak.

For some reason, I have these weird visions of my boss somehow finding some post and finding out how much I truly hate my job or something -- even though I could never imagine weirdo boss actually searching out and reading some random person's blog on the Internet at all. In all honestly, if he did find it, and found out how much I hate my job, he would probably just think to himself that I am so inconsequential that it didn't matter to him.

I Hate Having to Congratulate Others

I can't be the only one, can I? There must be something biologically wrong with me, or with the way I am wired, because as soon as someone (like a coworker, or casual acquaintance), has something fabulous happen to them, a small part of me dies forever. It feels as if it was something that I should have had...

It doesn't matter if its a new job, a new house, coming into money, getting some new material possession, it just deep down irks me. I smile cordially and say "congratulations", but I hardly ever actually mean it. I know it sounds harsh -- but it is my knee-jerk reaction.

I mean I know I am bitter. When I hear about others succeeding, I don't just want them to "not succeed", I want them to fail. Miserably.

That's normal, right?

Weirdo Boss

hmm... my boss.... - he must have some kind of crazy raidar, because not 27 seconds after I sit down there he is!! right behind me. *akward*. I still can't tell if he:

a) thinks this is appropriate, friendly office behavior
b) is trying to "catch" someone not working
c) doesn't understand personal space/bounderies
d) is just an asshole with no social skills

It is so uncomfortable. When he starts talking, it takes all of my strength to not roll my eyes all the way in the back of my head. so I settle for a "half roll", and smile and nod (a very painful smile, I might add).

Too Much Information at Work??

Okay -- what is it with people at work who feel the need to give too much personal information, or worse, get too much personal information? For example, there is a woman in my office who is CONSTANTLY trying to tell us how much her husband makes. She will never actually come out and say the number outright, but instead will say things like "he makes in 1 week what takes me 2 weeks to make", or "he received an X% raise this quarter" -- just inappropriate things.

Toxic "Friend"

Okay -- so, I thought a good topic for my very first blog would be on the subject of toxic friends -- and the fact that I have one. My "friend" (to use the word lightly), is someone that I have known since high school (I am now 24). I think that its one of those friendships that you are in just because you have always known the person.

The thing is - there are times that this friend is awesome to be around. We have the same sense of humor, think the same things are funny, and can usually bond over the dislike of the same people (lol). She can be very supportive at times, and can lift my mood, and make me feel better about myself.

Then there are the "other times" -- the times when she will make a comment that you can't quite tell is bitchy or not... for example "Wow, those pants are way better than the style you used to wear, they make you look way thinner";, or "I would never drive a (this is just an example), 2007 ford focus with black interior, what an ugly car", when that is the exact car I drive. You know--little back handed comments that I can't really call her on, because then I would be the one who was overreacting. I think she must do this at times when she is feeling insecure about herself or something, because its always a little comment to kind of "cut me down to size", or "put me in my place" -- basically just to make me feel like shit.

I probably should just end all contact, but its hard to do.