Hate everyone

Okay -- this is weird, but; I hate almost everyone. If there is some personality tick -- some character flaw -- some neurosis in an individual -- then I will be the first one to point it out/pick up on it. I wish that I could be like some other people that are always "positive" (gag), or "nice" (puke) - but I simply cannot. It pains me to be nice. I secretly love being evil/mean -- you know in the grinch who stole christmas? When his heart grew three sizes? Well... mine grew three sizes when I pick up on something that bothers me about a person.

Oh well -- going straight to hell I guess.

The Underminer

... by Mike Albo -- has anyone read this? God -- it is like he took exact conversations that occur ed between me and my toxic "best friend"/frenemy -- who I can't seem to cut off contact with. I mean, she is such a BITCH! Its like she is always overcompensating for something, and trying to "win" in some kind of a sick twisted competition with me -- but she needs to realize that its not even necessary.

I mean -- she is just a very empty/shallow/vindictive person sometimes -- but sometimes she can be really fun too. I really need to stop speaking with her... but it gets harder to make new close friends as you get older, you know?

omg...

weirdo at work did it again -- cryptically told us how much her awesome husband makes for a living. She, as stated before, did it in some kind of complicated math algorithm or something though.

She's like "my husband makes 4 times our monthly mortgage each month" -- knowing full well that she had told us many times before how much her mortgage is (am I the only one who thinks this is completely inappropriate work conversation -- and if I think its inappropriate, it must be bad) -- I mean, you just don't tell people how much you make/your husband makes at work - its rude.

I mean... its fine for you, I just wouldn't do it...

I mean... its fine for you, I just wouldn't do it...

Have you ever heard this phrase? It got me thinking -- that this is one of the most pompous, condescending, rude phrases someone could say to you. Like, for example, when an individual said once to me "I refuse to live in an apartment building, but that's fine if You want to do it" -- like, saying that that they wouldn't stoop down to the pathetic level of someone who would dare live in *gasp* an apartment building., rather than owning a home. Or when someone says "I would never to go that college, but that's fine if you want to do it, everyone has their own preference"

Like, they wouldn't be as pitiful, as needy, etc. to do something like that -- "but its fine for you"...

Blogger Paranoia

Okay -- so, I am new to blogging, and an a naturally nervous/paranoid person, so I am naturally paranoid about blogging. I find that I edit myself way too much because I am so afraid that some small detail will catch the wrong person's attention -- which is actually very egocentric of me, because in all honesty, I really don't think that anyone would care enough, or notice that it was "me" that was the "blogger", so to speak.

For some reason, I have these weird visions of my boss somehow finding some post and finding out how much I truly hate my job or something -- even though I could never imagine weirdo boss actually searching out and reading some random person's blog on the Internet at all. In all honestly, if he did find it, and found out how much I hate my job, he would probably just think to himself that I am so inconsequential that it didn't matter to him.

I Hate Having to Congratulate Others

I can't be the only one, can I? There must be something biologically wrong with me, or with the way I am wired, because as soon as someone (like a coworker, or casual acquaintance), has something fabulous happen to them, a small part of me dies forever. It feels as if it was something that I should have had...

It doesn't matter if its a new job, a new house, coming into money, getting some new material possession, it just deep down irks me. I smile cordially and say "congratulations", but I hardly ever actually mean it. I know it sounds harsh -- but it is my knee-jerk reaction.

I mean I know I am bitter. When I hear about others succeeding, I don't just want them to "not succeed", I want them to fail. Miserably.

That's normal, right?

Weirdo Boss

hmm... my boss.... - he must have some kind of crazy raidar, because not 27 seconds after I sit down there he is!! right behind me. *akward*. I still can't tell if he:

a) thinks this is appropriate, friendly office behavior
b) is trying to "catch" someone not working
c) doesn't understand personal space/bounderies
d) is just an asshole with no social skills

It is so uncomfortable. When he starts talking, it takes all of my strength to not roll my eyes all the way in the back of my head. so I settle for a "half roll", and smile and nod (a very painful smile, I might add).